This Just In – Day Eleven of Shutdown

  • Tee-shirt sales are down in our nation’s capital.  Hawkers near the Smithsonian have slashed prices, and can’t even give away childrens’ and youth-sized “Someday I’m Gonna Be Speaker” shirts. Pink, yellow and blue baby bibs imprinted with the National Zoo animals remain top sellers, but sales for elephant bibs are down.
  • Fresh produce sales, on the other hand, are up. Lunch vendors outside the Capitol have noted a sharp increase in customers ordering a side of day-old, soft whole tomatoes, instead of the usual lettuce and tomato slices added to sandwiches and paninis.
  • Essential emergency workers on duty near the Capitol building report an increase in the number of people suffering from head pains in recent days. Essential emergency workers also report that a reddish blood-like substance has been staining the hair, faces and clothing of the stricken.
  • The city’s essential garbage detail has declared a street emergency, and has petitioned Congress to transition “Non-Essential” street sweepers to “Essential” status immediately. Workers are attempting to eradicate the growing large red slick on the street pavement.
  • Non-essential furloughed lawyers have begun moonlighting because “slip and fall” accidents outside the Capitol are on the rise.
  • In related news, the Chicago Board of Trade has noted an increase in futures trading for the tomato crop.

Kathy Galgano

October 11, 2013


2 thoughts on “This Just In – Day Eleven of Shutdown

    • Yea, that’s what I’m afraid of, Rich, that temporary becomes the new definition of “permanent.” I hadn’t thought of Nightline and the hostage crisis link. That’s powerful. Thanks for reading!

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