QUICK NEWS COVERAGE UPDATE FROM A MAN WITH NO DRY CLOTHES SHOVELING AGAINST THE TIDE — WELCOME BACK GUEST BLOGGER RICHARD GALGANO

“If one more plow fills in my driveway while I’m standing in it…”

Armageddon Storm Team 6 update: “It’s still snowing.” Thank God. I couldn’t tell with all that white stuff pelting my windows. So far, 24-plus inches have fallen. I’m grabbing a bite to eat and trying to warm up – for the past hour I’ve been attacking the glacier at the end of my drive. The glacier appears to be winning.

One of the city barns is on my street. All the trucks in our end of town have to drive by to get back to the barn to reload with sand, and so our street is always well-plowed. The disadvantage is that there is a whopping 10 feet of hard packed snow in our driveway.

Special Alert: As all the meteorologists are working, the broadcast cuts back and forth between them. One meteorologist standing outside near a highway, just announced, “When it’s snowing hard and it is very windy, you can’t see far.” She also said, “When there is a ban on driving in the Commonwealth, the highways tend not to have many cars on them.” God, what an education I’m getting.

Cut to the beach. It’s snowing.

Breaking news: “If it snows a lot, it can get deep.”

Ahhh! Something different! The station is now advertising their continuous coverage of the storm as well as cell phone apps.

Oh, Thank God… a real commercial!

Here’s something: One of the Armageddon Storm Team 6 vans is reporting and broadcasting as they drive down a local street. Sure hope the camera operator isn’t the driver. Oh well. It must be considered an essential vehicle. I wonder if they could pick me up a Dunkin’ Donuts coffee.

More news: “If you see the snow blowing sideways really fast, it’s probably windy.”

Change of pace: The regular news anchors are talking about… (wait for it), the weather!

We are at number 8 of the biggest snowfall totals of all time. Worcester is at number 3 all time. The airports are the official measuring points. I’m guessing they didn’t record the Ice Ages because there were no airports then.

Back to the beach. Do I see someone surfing? It must be the total white-out conditions wreaking havoc on my brain.

I changed channels; a rerun of a 70s police drama is on. Those ties are back in style.

None of my four pairs of gloves are dried yet; I can’t go back out. Why aren’t Dunkin’ Donuts delivery vehicles considered “essential”?

I need a change of pace. Time to flick on the radio and get the latest on Deflate Gate.

Richard Galgano

January 27, 2015

WELCOME BACK, GUEST BLOGGER, RICHARD GALGANO – IT’S SNOWING!!! WE’RE GONNA DIE!!!!! AAARRRHHHHH!!!!!

Today Armageddon Team 6 will be covering the end of the earth as we know it, live and remote, via digital TV, streaming video, radio, text alerts, loud-speaker, Morse code, semaphore, smoke and hand signals — 72 hours a day. Our digitally enhanced coverage of hell freezing over will turn you into a mass of shriveled, huddled, hyper-paranoid, bread and milk-hoarding, cabin-fever hallucinating, carbon fuel seeking, valium needing, sleep deprived, whining horde of viewers who will stay fixated on us and drive our ratings into the stratosphere. All other news and sports information will be suspended pending the next global warming.

To yesteryear: In business, the Dow rose 10 points to finish at 750. Soybeans are up, corn is down. And now for the weather. We’ll be getting a ton of snow. In sports, the Bolts won a close one in overtime……

Richard Galgano

January 26, 2014

Online Dating a/k/a “So, You Wanna Date?”

A few friends of mine and I were chatting over dinner the other night. Several told the group their experiences in the online dating scene. After many stories, laughs, a couple of bottles of wine and a round of hugs, I walked to my car silently cheering that I am happily married. Thank God I don’t have to handle the online dating angst; I don’t think I could do it!

For starters, my friends exclaimed that people in the dating pool absolutely do respond to their profiles and bios. Nine times out of ten, they told me, interested persons write scintillating missives such as: “Are you interested in me?” and “Do you want to date?”

Wait a minute. “Do you want to date?” This is the response you get to the bio that you took great pains to write after engaging in months of deep soul-searching? What, are we in first grade? The best conversation starter a person looking for love can wrap his or her little typing fingers around is, “Let’s go out.”? This is the way to woo a potential special someone? Now, perhaps I’m wrong, but I thought the point of posting a little bio is to provide discerning souls an opportunity to see if there is a commonality of interests. Does the profile author show a sense of humor? Is exercise, or music, or movies or travel important to this person? Do they like books? It doesn’t seem to be that difficult. How can individuals looking to share their life with someone be so bereft of the gift of gab that they can’t respond to any of these points? It’s not like they’re showing up at somebody’s doorstep with flowers for crying out loud.

Or perhaps these responders’ MO is a blanket reply; it’s easy to “Control ‘V’” a “Do you want to date?” one-liner and see where that lands you. I suppose there are calculated odds as to how many of these missives a person looking for a date needs to send out to garner a response. Think of all the time saved when you don’t have to read the bios! Just click on one, reply with your zinger, and move on to the next. It’s not a strategy that embraces discernment, but maybe it will work for a night at the movies, someday. Plus there’s no rejection. Maybe one of my friends should add, “I like to calculate the odds!” on a bio. It might lead to an interesting conversation. Well, whether or not one of my friends might want to start a conversation with anyone who chooses to honor her with a first grade sentence is another thing.

But it wasn’t just the replies to the biographies that got us going. The biggest roars came when people started to open up and state their own personal desires that would make for perfect relationships — but didn’t have the guts to state. Over more laughter, a list of non-negotiables began to appear.

I’m looking forward to sharing a glass of wine with my Sweetie who loves being handy in the kitchen! In fact, I hope my Sweetie is so handy in the kitchen that I’ll never have to step in that room again.

I’m looking forward to wrapping my arms around my special someone who embraces invigorating winter mornings and enthusiastically plunges into the morning chill to collect the paper from a snowy lawn and lovingly scrape ice off both our cars.

I’m looking forward to spending quality time with my true love, a good-natured and caring soul who is not afraid to apply a prescription medicinal cream to my dog’s backside.

I’m looking forward to living my life with my soul mate, that loving someone who is adept at unclogging relationships and toilets.

Kathy Galgano

January 24, 2015

It Means Mars To Me!

The moon and stars have long held a special place in songwriters’ hearts. “Fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars. Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars.”* How about: “When you wish upon a star — makes no difference who you are.”* And here’s a new one for you: “I’ve got Mars on a string.”*

It won’t be long now before we’re immersed in a slew of new idioms. Think about it. A wave of new speech will be the by-product of something else grand; idioms will come from new song lyrics, from new rap and poetry, from new works of fiction and nonfiction. Humans will go to Mars, and inherent in this experience will be the spirit to create – to create a new life in a new place, and to create ways to describe, portray or embody that reality. One can imagine that in the moment just before sleep consumes an exhausted crew member, images or words will emerge. Jokes and puns will be made during the day. Diaries will be dictated. Photographs will be taken. Comparisons will be made. And the world, oops – the worlds will amass a new sense of what is right and good.

Advertisers will tout adventures in a land that is neither verdant nor ultramarine, and yet this land will be beautiful. Beauty shifts as one gets used to one’s surroundings. A resident of an area that receives rain on summer days may have difficulty grasping that a rocky barren landscape can be a romantic site, at first, anyway. New renderings will expand our notion of what is beautiful. Add to this an economic perspective, and enterprising minds will cultivate not only ingenious business opportunities, but also add glamour to what is considered, for good reason, a formidable place.

Generations before us have sung and danced to tunes referencing the moon in a dreamy way. I remember my elders singing “Shine on, shine on harvest moon up in the sky.”* The old-time favorite “By the Light of the Silvery Moon”* scores the trifecta with the “moon,” “June,” and “tune” rhymes. Of course, lyrics can be more sophisticated; an updated effort for rhyme gives us the likes of: Mars, Stars, Ours, Quasars, Lodestars, Memoirs, Superstars and Repertoires. But the scope of engineering a habitable base on another planet is almost beyond comprehension, and it’s hard to imagine that simple rhymes can convey the depth of such a colossal undertaking. Our language had to suffice for previous lift-offs, EVAs and lunar landings, but for going to Mars? I wonder. Perhaps we’ll see new languages emerge. At the very least there will be huge additions to our lexicon. Human Martians (“Hutians”?) will necessarily live in an environment of conservation. People will have to conserve all of their resources, their oxygen, their fuel, food, even their own personal energy, and live in a way that maximizes everything. Is there a language more economical than Base Two? Time will tell.

Yet I doubt that Hutians will be chucking the standards of our archaic language any time soon. While a precise numerical system or language may best enable Mission Control specialists to understand accurately, react to, and provide for pioneers as these explorers routinely communicate their progress in building a base, their challenges to survive and ultimately thrive, and their physical and mental stresses, there’s still something to be said for feeding the soul. This will require different approaches, and our forward-thinking explorers will have to rely on their wits, their reactions, their own creativity and their knowledge of things past to create something new.

The times – they are a’ changin’,* and I’m over Phobos and Deimos just thinking about it!

*Here’s some info on the songs I reference:

“Fly Me to the Moon” (originally called, “In Other Words) was written by Bart Howard in 1954. Lots of people have recorded it, but it’s the Frank Sinatra version that many recognize.

When You Wish Upon a Star” was sung by a cricket — Jiminy Cricket, to be exact. You can hear Jiminy (Cliff Edwards) singing the song in the beginning and in the final scene of Walt Disney’s “Pinocchio,” released in 1940.

“I’ve Got the World On a String” was very popular. Harold Arlen composed the song in 1932; Ted Koehler wrote the lyrics. Lots of famous singers have recorded the piece; the “Chairman of the Board” Frank Sinatra recorded it in 1953.

The Ziegfeld Follies performed “Shine on Harvest Moon” in 1908. Nora Bayes and Jack Norworth are credited for writing the piece, but there is a bit of controversy over the credits. 

“By the Light of the Silvery Moon” was published in 1909. Gus Edwards wrote the tune, and Edward Madden composed the lyrics. Lucy and Ethel performed it in an “I Love Lucy” episode.

“The Times They Are A’Changin’” is Bob Dylan’s song and album by the same name. The album was released by Columbia Records on January 13, 1964.

Kathy Galgano

January 6, 2015

Copyright 1/8/2015. All rights reserved.

Kathy’s The Real Deal New Year’s Resolutions 2015

  1. I resolve to do my part during this time of serious drought in California by washing fewer dishes and eating out more.
  2. I resolve to restrain myself and not deck anyone who says “very unique.” By definition, “unique” means that it’s the only one. Nothing is ever “very unique.” And I can’t believe I just wrote this horrid phrase — twice.
  3. I resolve not to eat at a restaurant so uncreative that it’s called “Food.” That goes for the “exotic” fancy-named restaurants like “Cibo” (“CHEE-bo”) and means, you guessed it, “Food” in Italian.
  4. I resolve only to consume my weight in chocolate during the Easter and Christmas seasons when the Cadbury solid milk chocolates with that crisp sugar shell (green white and red) hit the shelves. I further resolve to curtail my urge to drive through my city to purchase every last bag of said Cadbury candies to stash away for the rest of the year. Besides, there aren’t any left. I checked.
  5. I resolve only to hum or sing nonsense syllables to my “Happy-Skippy” little ditty whenever somebody cuts me off while driving: “Da Dee Da-da Da Dee! Da Dee Da-da Da Dee!” That I am singing the lyrics “I hate the F*#!+*g jerks! I hate the F*#!+*g jerks!” in my head is a personal matter.
  6. I resolve to wish everyone a fine New Year. And I do.

Kathy Galgano

New Year’s Day, 2015

Copyright Kathleen M. Galgano — All rights reserved. January 1, 2015